so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
