Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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