who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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