One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
