it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
