I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
