Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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