; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
