Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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