I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
