Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
