It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
