dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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