You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
