Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
