i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
