I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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