she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
