he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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