Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
