i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
