Me. At least after what I've been through.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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