do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is Oprah even human
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
