He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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