I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize