Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
