The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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