were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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