i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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