oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
