Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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