Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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