I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
