So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
