first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
