So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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