looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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