Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.