would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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