Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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