having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
