TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She bit a glass in half.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday