Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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