she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!