he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock