I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
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I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.