Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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