One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think your dad took our porno
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
