I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
