Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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