Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry about my life...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
