I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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