Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think my moral compass just broke
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