those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
