38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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