Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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