you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
