I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
