wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
