Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize