I'm eating all of the evidence.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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