she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
