Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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