Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
