Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
