Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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