Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
