When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
