I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
