I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
