were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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