areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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