giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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