I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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