I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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