Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
