thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
