So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
