Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
