you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
