True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
