I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
